Forgiveness is something we hear about often, and it can be easier said than done. It’s easy to grow bitter towards those who have hurt us or to harbor unforgiveness for many years, even towards ourselves.
“Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea until they have something to forgive.” C.S. Lewis
Not following God’s example of forgiveness can lead to spiritual and physical issues in our lives. I have felt this in my experience, feeling constantly plagued by bitterness that affected my view of life. To change this, I had to intentionally forgive those I was holding grudges against . I followed God’s example and let grace guide my outlook on life.
Just as with all things, we will look to what our heavenly Father says about forgiveness in the Bible. Learning how to let go of resentment and bitterness biblically can improve our relationships, our mental health, and our livelihood. I’d say learning to forgive is worth it! The Bible gives us a clear picture of God’s forgiveness and how we can follow in his example and forgive as scripture tells us.
What Does the Bible Say About Forgiveness?
One of God’s most important characteristics is his mercy. His forgiveness of sins is woven throughout the Bible, and we are clearly shown how it works hand in hand with love.
Throughout the Bible, sins and offenses are characterized as burdens or weights. The Hebrew term used in the Old Testament for “forgive” is rooted in the concept of “lifting” the weight, taking it off the shoulders of yourself and the one who has wronged you.
“Thus you shall say to Joseph: ‘I beg you, please forgive [lift up] the trespass of your brothers and their sin; for they did evil to you’” Gen. 50:17
In the Greek background of the New Testament, the basic meaning of the word translated “forgive” is “to send away.”
“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us [send away] our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” 1 John 1:9
In Bible verses about forgiveness, we see how we are to seek forgiveness from God and how we should forgive others. We are called to be like Jesus Christ, our Lord, and to do so, we must follow his example and forgive people who have sinned against us. We must also ask God to forgive our sins, as we are all sinners and need forgiveness from our Father. Then, we can let go of the weight we are carrying.
“Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a legal transaction where you choose to transfer the debt to the person who paid it—Jesus Christ.” Bruce and Toni Hebel, Forgiving Forward
What Jesus Said About Forgiveness
When asked about forgiveness, Jesus Christ did not instruct his disciples to forgive a brother’s sins seven times as was instructed in the Old Testament; rather, he said “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven” (Matt. 18:21-22, NKJV). This exemplifies how we are to show grace repeatedly, not just a few times as we see fit.
Even in His final moments before death on the cross, Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do” (Luke 23:34, NKJV). This shows that even when we have been treated the worst possible, we are not to repay evil with evil. We should still show forgiveness, just as Christ forgave those who murdered and mistreated him.
The emphasis God places on forgiveness is critical to understand because it can affect every aspect of our lives. It affects our spiritual health, our relationship with God, our relationships with loved ones, and even our physical health.
The Spiritual Cost: Is Unforgiveness a Sin?
When we harbor bitterness, it negatively affects our spiritual lives. In Matthew 6, Jesus gave an example of prayer, and prayer and forgiveness go hand-in-hand. In the prayer, he stressed we should ask God to “Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors” (Matt. 6:12, NKJV). As this is an example of how we should pray, it’s clear that we should request God’s grace and ask that he forgive us our sins, and we should also find compassion to forgive those who have sinned against us.
When we pray without forgiveness, in our hearts and without settling accounts with those to whom we owe, we are actively harming our prayer life. We must forgive others so that we can truly receive forgiveness for our own sins.
To further emphasize his point, Jesus tells the story of the master and his servant, both of whom are indebted to another. This parable shows us how the unforgiving servant’s relationships were affected by his unforgiveness. Even when all his debt was forgiven, the servant still held his fellow servant’s debts against him. If we live without showing mercy and grace to others, we will find a similar blight in our relationships.
At the core of unforgiveness lies the thought that the person we should forgive is unworthy.
“Unforgiveness is the hook that keeps you tied to the person who hurt you. Forgiveness is the only way to get the hook out.” Bruce and Toni Hebel, Forgiving Forward
Bitterness and Resentment Impact Our Relationships and Mental Health
Further this detriment of our relationships affects our relationship with God. “If someone says, ‘I love God,’ and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen?” (1 John 4:20, NKJV).
This teaching coincides with Proverbs 17:9, which says, “Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.” The book of wisdom itself tells us how unwise it is to harbor unforgiveness against our close friends.
We can understand how letting go of resentment improves mental health merely by observing how anger and resentment create a weight on our minds.
When unforgiveness lives in our hearts, we cut out the room meant for Christ’s love, damaging our relationships, our mental health, and our spiritual lives.
Physical Effects of Unforgiveness on the Body: Inflammation and Stress
Not only can unforgiveness cause us undue strife in our relationships, but it can also affect us physically. Unforgiveness is a weight. When we carry unforgiveness around, it is akin to lugging around a physical burden. It will literally wear you down.
“Stress leads to distress, and unmanaged distress leads to disease.” Treasures of Healthy Living
The physical effects of unforgiveness on the body can include higher cortisol levels, slow digestion, and disrupted sleep. Without forgiveness, we carry a burden that can cause inflammation. Stress from unforgiveness can lead to other symptoms such as high cholesterol and body aches. These symptoms can also raise our risk for other health concerns or worsen existing medical conditions.
This article on The Science of Forgiveness discusses these symptoms and how unforgiveness affects the different parts of your brain.
Is Your Grudge Overwhelming Your Liver?
When we hold onto a grudge, the resulting stress causes our digestive system to slow down, meaning food putrefies instead of nourishing us. This creates an overload of metabolic toxins that overwhelms our ‘Toxin Terminator’—the liver. Biblical forgiveness isn’t just for your soul; it’s a necessary reset for your physical ‘Toxin Terminator’ to do its job and keep you disease-free.
Just as the liver must eliminate physical toxins to keep the body healthy, the heart must use forgiveness to eliminate spiritual toxins (bitterness and resentment) to prevent disease.
The Health Rewards of Letting Go: Healing Benefits of Choosing Forgiveness
These symptoms are the physical manifestations of unforgiveness, and we may not even know how it is affecting us until we take the step to forgive people. Forgiveness, as our heavenly Father teaches us, is healing to all aspects of our lives!
Here are some ways your health may change when you take the step to forgive:
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lower blood pressure
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reduction of stress
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lower heart rate
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fewer symptoms of depression
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fewer symptoms of anxiety
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reduction in chronic pain
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improved psychological well-being
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your smile returns!
It may not always be easy to forgive others, but it is necessary for our own sake and health.
Top Bible Verses About Forgiveness You Need to Know
- Mark 11:25 “And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.”
- Ephesians 4:32 “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”
- 1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
- Colossians 3:13 “Bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.”
- Proverbs 28:13 “He who covers his sins will not prosper, But whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy.”
- Matthew 6:14-15 “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”
- Micah 7:18 “Who is a God like You, Pardoning iniquity And passing over the transgression of the remnant of His heritage? He does not retain His anger forever, Because He delights in mercy.”
- Psalm 86:5 “For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive, And abundant in mercy to all those who call upon You.”
- Acts 10:43 “To Him all the prophets witness that, through His name, whoever believes in Him will receive remission of sins.”
- Luke 17:3-4 “Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, ‘I repent,’ you shall forgive him.””
Forgiveness in the Bible is Our Blueprint
There are innumerable examples of forgiveness in the Bible; the entire book is the story of Jesus’ death and the ultimate forgiveness our heavenly Father offers us. As believers, our forgiveness and redemption through his blood is the greatest showing of forgiveness in the Bible. Scripture provides so many examples of how we should forgive others and how we should ask for God’s mercy towards our sins.
Furthermore, we are constantly reminded through these Bible verses of how forgiving our Father is and how the Lord forgave all our sins. As God in Christ forgave us our debts, we should do likewise.
Forgiveness and Prayer: How to Partner with God for Healing
From the Bible verses we read, we can see that God forgives ALL of our sins, and the Father gave us his son, Jesus, to show us the ultimate example of forgiveness. Often, it’s a lot more difficult for us to forgive as humans, yet we are still called to do so as Christians.
In the example Jesus gave of how to pray, he shows us just how deeply prayer and forgiveness are entwined. Not only are we to request forgiveness of sins for our own sin debt, but we are also called to forgive others when we stand praying. To be forgiven, we must first forgive, and prayer has a heavy hand in forgiveness.
In James 5:16 it is written, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” We see here how prayer affects our relationships with others of the Christian faith. Prayer coincides with our confession of sins, then we can receive mercy. Biblical forgiveness and reconciliation can be sought through prayer.
As we are called to love one another, we will see how love covers our sins and how the Lord will take our anger from us, allowing us to find mercy through prayer and fellowship with one another.
How to Forgive: A Practical 3-Step Guide
With all this biblical wisdom, we can put forgiveness into practice, leaning on the steadfast love of the Lord for guidance throughout this process. Though it may seem nearly impossible, we can learn how to let go of resentment and bitterness biblically.
Here are the three steps we can take toward forgiveness:
- Identify who you need to forgive
- Remember their worthiness
- Ask for God’s grace and help
Step One : Recognizing Who You Need to Forgive
First pray. God will reveal the person and circumstances that need for you to revisit. Think of all the people in your life. Has anyone taken something from you? Are you aware of a debt (wrong done), or multiple debts existing in your heart? Do you harbor anger because of lawless acts committed against you, whether recently or long ago? Write all this down, along with the name of the person who offended or wronged you. That you can remember these things shows that it still affects you. This is the first step to realizing the weight you are carrying.
Identify the debt or wrongdoing. Make sure you know all that has been taken from you. Know that the Lord sees all, and he will forgive all, but you must take the first step.
Forgiving Yourself for Past Mistakes
If you need to forgive yourself, acknowledge what your sins or mistakes have cost you or others. Forgiveness of yourself is also important, and harboring unforgiveness towards your own sins can have the same detrimental effects as the sins of others.
Step Two: Remember Their Worth
Acknowledge the worthiness of the person you are to forgive. You may not feel that he or she is worthy, but God’s Word tells us he or she is. Even if who you are trying to forgive is yourself, it’s hard to remember your worth.
We can see through examples of forgiveness in the Bible that all are worthy of being forgiven. Even towards the people who murdered him, Jesus said, “Father, forgive them.” The forgiveness of sins is not just for those we think are worthy, but for all God finds worthy. (Spoiler Alert) Every single human is worthy in the eyes of our Lord!
Jesus paid the price for you and deemed you worthy. If you are still having trouble understanding this on your journey to forgiveness, meditate on Psalm 103:10-14.
“He has not dealt with us according to our sins, Nor punished us according to our iniquities. For as the heavens are high above the earth, So great is His mercy toward those who fear Him; As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us. As a father pities his children, So the Lord pities those who fear Him. For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust.” Psalm 103:10-14
Step Three: Ask the Lord for Help
Ask God to help you lift the weight and send it away. If the burden is especially heavy, you may find that you don’t possess the strength to hoist it up and off your shoulders. Invite the Lord to assist you. He is always there to help us in matters such as these and will rejoice in seeing your efforts!
Prayer is especially important in this forgiveness. We remember that we have the Holy Spirit because of our forgiveness as well (Acts 2:38) to assist us in this process.
If you’re having trouble with forgiveness, pray to God for his help. As we read in the Lord’s amazing word, “your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” He wants to help you with forgiveness, and seeing as he is the most forgiving, he is the best resource!
Deciding to Forgive Versus Feeling Forgiveness
Sometimes the reason we avoid forgiving others is that strong sense of bitterness in our hearts that keeps us from wanting to forgive. It’s hard to relinquish these feelings to forgive people when we don’t feel it.
Therefore, it is important to forgive, even if we don’t “feel forgiveness.” Often, we have to take the step of forgiveness before we can feel that the burden has been lifted. The physical effects and effects of unforgiveness on our mental health can make us feel stuck in unforgiveness. Anger and bitterness are emotions that stick around longer than they should, but we have the power to eliminate these emotions through forgiveness!
“Forgiveness is mandatory; reconciliation is a negotiation. You can forgive someone and still have boundaries.” Bruce and Toni Hebel, Forgiving Forward
Deciding to forgive is an action you can take to relinquish the burden of bitterness from your shoulders. When you decide to forgive, it’s not just based on feelings; you are taking a deliberate step in forgiving and showing that forgiveness.
Seeking God in the Process of Letting Go
Forgiving can be difficult when we don’t feel it, but our God is always there to help us forgive. We can take our debts and the debts against us to him, but we must decide to do so.
When we don’t feel forgiving, we should rely on love, both our own and God’s. 1 Peter 4:8 says, “And above all things have fervent love for one another, for “love will cover a multitude of sins.” Love comes to our aid when we don’t feel like forgiving. Because we are called to not just forgive once, but seventy times seven , we can rely on love and the decision to forgive.
By making the decision to forgive, we release the weight of debt and anger from our shoulders, and we will feel the result! We are not only forgiving; we are ridding ourselves of bitterness, anxiety, and stress, which will lessen the physical strain on our bodies.
Releasing the Debt
In this world, we are all familiar with debt. Credit cards, mortgages, and school loans are all things that most people deal with today. Debt forgiveness is something people in hard financial situations long for. Though they may not realize it, they also have their debt of sin to God and to others. Each of us has done wrong; therefore, we all have outstanding debts and debts outstanding against us.
Following Christ’s example from the parable of the unforgiving servant, we must release our fellow servants from their debts, just as our debts have been forgiven to us.
By releasing these debts, we will reap the physical, mental, and spiritual benefits of forgiveness. Our relationships will improve, and we will feel less of a burden in our lives. When we practice forgiveness, we are also learning how to forgive, so the next time we will have the knowledge to help us get through the bitter feelings that arise.
Above all, we can know that our own debt has been forgiven through our forgiveness, based on what Scripture tells us about the Lord’s forgiveness. We are a new creation because of his forgiveness!
Frequently Asked Questions
- Do I have to forgive someone who isn’t sorry? Even if someone doesn’t come to you and repent for their sin debt against you, we are still called to forgive that person. Forgiveness is a personal decision towards a person. When they are not repentant, it can be harder to forgive, but we must still decide to forgive that person, just as Jesus forgave others who were unrepentant of their sins.
- Why do I still feel hurt after forgiving? It’s not abnormal for us to still feel hurt even after we have forgiven that person. Emotional healing from being sinned against can be a long process. Forgiveness can be a step toward healing, but it doesn’t heal every hurt; however, it’s a significant step toward healed feelings by lessening the burden of bitterness.
- How can I know for sure that I’m forgiven? We can know that we are forgiven by what God’s word tells us about his forgiveness. If we ask for forgiveness, we know he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins. Just as we may not feel healed, we may not feel forgiven, but we can live knowing that we are.
- What is the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation? While it may seem like these words have the same meaning, they are two different things. Forgiveness is the act and decision of choosing to forgive another person for what they have done to you. Reconciliation is when you renew and rebuild your relationship with that person. You can give forgiveness without reconciliation, but forgiving someone can be the first step to reconciling your relationship with them. Even if it seems impossible, through God all things are possible. When we forgive our brothers and sisters, tenderheartedness and love can heal many things!
